


When the End Justifies the Means

by Elleinad_Dreams



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gray Jedi, Kylo Ren Angst, Lord Zuko is that you?, Other, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 14:32:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5543465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elleinad_Dreams/pseuds/Elleinad_Dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben Solo is fading away--he has to if Kylo Ren is to succeed.  His mission is more important than himself, but that mission is not what everyone thinks.  When young Ben discovers that Snoke is Darth Plagueis he knows what he must do.  The sacrifices he has made and yet to make?  They are justified.  At least, he must keep telling himself that.  But how much is too much?  Is Kylo's resolve strong enough to do the unthinkable?  And when it all starts crumbling down, will he be left with only the question:  Does the end truly justify the means?</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the End Justifies the Means

Chapter 1--The True Fear

 

“You’re nothing more than a creature in a helmet!”

  
Her words resonated throughout his entire being. She would never understand. It angered and frustrated him beyond belief. He was doing this for her! For them—all of them! He knew though, the choices he made would lead to this. He tried to remind himself to keep his composure, but this was too much. He could reveal at least this to her. Give her one small piece of his real self without losing total control. In one swift gesture, he took his helmet off, slamming it down perhaps a little too hard, but considering the way he was feeling at least he didn’t smash it to pieces.

  
It was funny, the look she gave him. Her eyebrows furrowing together in shock at the real person staring back at her. He was positive she expected a beast, and who was to say he wasn’t? But for now, he still looked human. And then…she blinked as if remembering something very distant, something locked away in her memory. He shouldn’t have done this. Kylo knew that if she remembered him all his plans could come toppling down on him, but he so badly wanted her to. Wanted to be known again for who he used to be, who he still was, but had to hide away. He was losing himself every day.

  
“ _Grandfather_.” It was his code word for reminding himself of his mission, why he was doing the things he was doing. It was his focus. Ben had to be pushed away if he was going to succeed. Kylo Ren emerged again.

  
“I can take anything I want, you know.” He approached her holding out his hand. “The map to Luke Skywalker. Give it to me.”

  
She gritted her teeth, fighting with every fiber of her being. He searched her mind using the Force, carefully trying to avoid anything that might trigger his other half to appear, but Rey was much stronger than he anticipated. A desert appeared in his mind, much like the deserts of Jakku, but this was the mental image of her feelings. Each individual, no matter whether they were Force attuned or not, held a mental image of a place that represented their feelings towards life, family, hopes, and dreams. And hers was a desert. The guilt hit Kylo, no Ben. It stabbed him right in the stomach and weakened his will of the Force.

  
“So lonely…” he trailed off, more to himself than Rey. It was his fault she was like this—shut out from the rest of the world, having no one. “You did it for her. For her safety.” He paused. “ _Grandfather_.”

  
“I see an island,” now he was seeing a more concrete place, one that was real. Was Luke there? She began struggling more against his probing, attempting to push him out.  
“Don’t be afraid. I can feel it too,” he assured her, pressing further for information. If his uncle was there, if he could just bring his uncle to Snoke, perhaps he could spare his father’s…

  
He scoffed. How ironic. “And Han Solo, you see him as the father you never had. Well, he would have disappointed you.” This hurt him most of all. Every time Han Solo was what did him in. His grip on the Force significantly decreased. And then…he felt something he had never experienced before. No, he had experienced it, just not from anyone other than Snoke. She had started pushing into his mind. This was dangerous. He had to pull away. She was starting to overpower him though. A mental tug of war, like two magnets with the positive and negative side drawing each other together. “ _No, no!_ ” He managed to yank away, but not unscathed.

  
“You,” she began, “you’re afraid. You’re scared…that you’ll never be as strong as Darth Vader!”

  
He was visibly shaking now, almost gasping for breath. He had nearly ruined it all. And she had read him. This was the worst possible outcome. Still, she hadn’t interpreted his feelings correctly, at least not exactly. She must have picked up on the use of his code word, believing it meant he was unsure of how competent he was with his Dark Side abilities in comparison to his grandfather. Though she wasn’t wrong, she missed the true fear that lay beneath. His mission was safe after all.

  
His thoughts were interrupted by a Stormtrooper with news of the Resistance. Further interrogation with Rey would have to wait. Perhaps for the best. He wouldn’t be reading her mind again anytime soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all!
> 
> I am excited to say this is my first fanfic in years, but the power of Star Wars and my muse, Kylo, have thrust me back into the mix of things, so here I am again! I wanted to note that this sort of story is not typically what I write. I'm more of a shipper fan (yes, that is a hint there will probably be Reylo fics in my future), but the idea of Kylo being the real hero really compelled me. I credit the initial idea to an article I came across where a father had theorized something along these lines. While I like Kylo as a total baddie, I wanted to see him in more of a Fire Lord Zuko role for those Avatar fans out there. The beauty of the new film is I could see his character played both ways. So, I hope you enjoyed this first chapter, and will return for more. Thanks for the read!


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